Hey there's a reason that a certain communist dictator always has that sly smile when someone mentions Mr. Orange. A little stroking of your ego and we can be best friends while I bomb hospitals and schools at the same time you and Tucker throw compliments my way. How cool is that! My predecessors had a tough time dealing with those crazy Reagan Republicans. Glad that's changed and keep up the good work! We'll have a cappuccino under the Eiffel Tower soon, very soon!.

Hey, who would want to hang out with a newborn and a grouchy wife when you can have a pampered golf outing during the day and a "Dark and ‘Stormy’ Night”. “Mr. President, congratulations, you just scored a Hole-in-One! Please keep your voice down, someone in the next room may hear you!”

Want to know what happens when a certain someone texts a not so appealing photo of your wife, infers she's ugly, calls your Dad a communist and calls you a liar? We think the lipstick moniker pretty much answers that question. What shade did you use when you begged for Mercy from your buddy Tucker for that silly Jan 6th terrorist comment? Somebody needs to find a good spine surgeon to take care of some medical issues.

Upside down? Let's give the guy a break since he doesn't have a lot of experience holding a rectangular object with something called pages in it. Hey at least the Good Book didn't spontaneously catch fire and ruin Mr. Orange's morning pancake artistry. Every morning you go to your special place, look up and pray to your almighty. Wait a minute, that's a mirror on the ceiling and you're in that "Special" room at Sea-to-Lake only you and a few secret service agents know about. Congrats, you're in Heaven! No further need to be Mr. Nice Guy.

Violence, death, destruction. Fast and furious 6? No Jan 6. Red Coats and funny looking headgear coming down from Canada? No fur coats and funny looking headgear coming from down the street. "So some windows were broken and a few hundred police and others were roughed up. So What? Not to worry, safe and sound in your bunker with your mirror and BFF Tucker while your zombies are screaming "Hang Mike Pence". What would you have actually done if Tucker was showing an actual noose around the VP’s neck? Interesting thought, should we ask Mike his private thoughts on the question?

How do you treat your highly respected Secretary of State who is navigating very complicated world issues and who also happened to manage a complex Fortune 500 company to profitability? That's right, you publicly challenge them to an I.Q. contest! Your revolving door of Secretaries that don’t kiss the ring can end with someone on your level. "Mr. President, a certain communist leader just sent over some nice looking Piroshkis for you to enjoy. Great, have them undress and wait in the Oval Office and don't mention any of this to the 1st Lady. "